Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
