I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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