She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
