That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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