somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
