Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
