I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
birth control should be required to get into college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
