So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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