in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
how drunk are you?
Several
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
