As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
