Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
