I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize