Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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