I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it glows. i had to have it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.