Texts From Last Night

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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls

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  (732): my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls http://tfl.nu/3jtt
  Replies (5) Good night (865) Bad night (2693)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.

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  (978): we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now. http://tfl.nu/2hw3
  Replies (36) Good night (4512) Bad night (861)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech

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  (905): Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech http://tfl.nu/je9d
  Replies (19) Good night (4163) Bad night (1838)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it

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  (815): I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it http://tfl.nu/no3b
  Replies (14) Good night (1870) Bad night (4801)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"

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  (847): And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!" http://tfl.nu/eczk
  Replies (5) Good night (3927) Bad night (996)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention

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  (228): I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention http://tfl.nu/1mmd
  Replies (6) Good night (1662) Bad night (873)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight

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  (770): Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight http://tfl.nu/pi0o
  Replies (5) Good night (1631) Bad night (746)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.

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  (251): Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record. http://tfl.nu/akbh
  Replies (19) Good night (1861) Bad night (834)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day

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  (240): Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day http://tfl.nu/21po
  Replies (6) Good night (2927) Bad night (724)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out

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  (780): I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out http://tfl.nu/rcah
  Replies (2) Good night (1132) Bad night (559)
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  (714): View more from California

  You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!

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  (714): You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue! http://tfl.nu/dw09
  Replies (5) Good night (1735) Bad night (769)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.

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  (801): If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment. http://tfl.nu/t8v8
  Replies (2) Good night (813) Bad night (402)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.

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  (586): She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible. http://tfl.nu/tfjy
  Replies (3) Good night (413) Bad night (929)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!

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  (416): I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!! http://tfl.nu/9ge9
  Replies (3) Good night (320) Bad night (220)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.

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  (641): They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave. http://tfl.nu/k7az
  Replies (0) Good night (181) Bad night (216)

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