Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  You're a womanizer and a bitch.

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  (248): You're a womanizer and a bitch. http://tfl.nu/wf0c
  Replies (1) Good night (978) Bad night (1033)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.

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  (603): I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera. http://tfl.nu/u22v
  Replies (28) Good night (737) Bad night (2330)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.

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  (636): FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust. http://tfl.nu/5llx
  Replies (8) Good night (3962) Bad night (715)
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  (289): View more from Ontario

  She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...

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  (289): She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you... http://tfl.nu/ajee
  Replies (7) Good night (1042) Bad night (3483)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

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  (317): my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive http://tfl.nu/067t
  Replies (31) Good night (5811) Bad night (1291)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

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  (509): I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact. http://tfl.nu/tkeu
  Replies (35) Good night (1190) Bad night (3959)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried

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  (815): i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried http://tfl.nu/ujpo
  Replies (6) Good night (3530) Bad night (968)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.

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  (864): and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot. http://tfl.nu/9hr6
  Replies (10) Good night (2266) Bad night (1592)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.

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  (970): Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose. http://tfl.nu/6jp2
  Replies (3) Good night (725) Bad night (1848)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.

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  (406): Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues. http://tfl.nu/jvdq
  Replies (7) Good night (678) Bad night (1329)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams. 

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  (404): Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.  http://tfl.nu/pssg
  Replies (4) Good night (986) Bad night (535)
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  (415): View more from California

  I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...

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  (415): I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think... http://tfl.nu/7nf2
  Replies (11) Good night (320) Bad night (530)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari

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  (205): I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari http://tfl.nu/g3b8
  Replies (3) Good night (914) Bad night (404)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.

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  (612): I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk. http://tfl.nu/mura
  Replies (0) Good night (439) Bad night (215)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.

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  (810): Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am. http://tfl.nu/2nux
  Replies (2) Good night (285) Bad night (488)

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