Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
