dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
