im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
