Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
