just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
