if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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