What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My liver just had a heart attack.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I enjoy the company of your penis
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
