He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I have feelings that need drinking.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
