Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
