im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
