I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
