so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
