Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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oh god was she eating orange peels again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
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I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
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