FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
