Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
