Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
