Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
