Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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