don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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