Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
