Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
