I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
