another moral hangover. fuck.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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