If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
