did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
