i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize