It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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