fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
