I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
