nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
