just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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