dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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