Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Randomize
