I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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