glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
