I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
