i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
