sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
