i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
