He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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