Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
