Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
