Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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