I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize