At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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