90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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