Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
