remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
