What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
