Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
