Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
