i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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