ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
