he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
